LithuaniaxReaderxPoland: Outfit LEMON

Oh dear God…I came across this through someone’s favs. I don’t know what to make of this.

Submitted by an Anonymous user.

Alright, I’ll take a look!  Judging by the title, this is going to be quite interesting, especially since I don’t normally read too many things concerning Poland or Lithuania.

LithuaniaxReaderxPoland: Outfit LEMON

[Ohdear.  I suppose I’ll have to label this one NSFW then?  I do wonder/hope the author of this is over 16.  I sort of poked around their dA profile—and felt a bit like a creeper while doing so—but couldn’t find many clues to age.  I did find out that they don’t particularly like writing stuff like this, and only do so because the readers like/praise it.  I think that’s a terrible reason to write something, in my opinion, even if it is just fanfiction.]


[Title twice.  Okay.  I do wonder why people label their pieces LEMON like they do.  To get more perverted 13 year olds to read?  Random fun fact:  such pieces are actually banned according to dA’s FAQ regarding pornographic literature, and can be removed without warning.  I’m not one to randomly go about reporting all the smut that I see, but labeling your piece as such might not be the best idea.  Just a suggestion.]

“Poland, I absolutely refuse to come out looking like this!” You were in Poland’s closet, trying on an outfit he had picked out for you.

“Like, come on (Name)! Remember, it’s all for Liet~.”

“Shut up Poland!”

“If you don’t, like, come out soon, I’m totally going to have to drag you out.”

“Fine, here I come…” As you stepped out, Poland gasped.  (In pain?  In surprise? In fear?)

The little strapless black dress you were wearing was barely covering anything. (I’m unable to picture this in my head any other way than thinking “I’m” a whore.)  It hugged your curves and showed off all features. (What features are we talking about?  Boobs? Hips? Facial features?  A huge cancerous mole? This is really vague.)  Your makeup was perfect and you hair looked like silk. (What style of make-up am I wearing?  And what miracle product did “I” put into “my” hair to make it look like silk and where can I buy some?) You looked gorgeous but the fact that you had to stand dressed up like this in front of your crush scared you. (I’m to assume that Liet is “my” crush?)

“Where are the shoes?” Poland crossed his arms and gave a little pout. Those shoes were his favorite part of the outfit, and you were currently not wearing them.

“They hurt my feet!”

“I don’t care. They were totally the best part of the outfit!” (What do the shoes look like?  If I’m not told, I’m going to assume that they’re wooden clogs.)

You groaned. “Poland, just go get him before I take all this off…”  (So I’m planning to take all this off after he goes and gets Liet?)

“Fine, whatever.” Poland walked out of the room to get his friend. You sat down on Poland’s bed and waited for the boys to return. Your mind began to wonder and time flew by. Before you knew it, Poland was screaming at you.  (So I’m not nervous at all, according to this, even though “I” admitted earlier that “I” was terrified to present “myself” to Liet while dressed like this.  One who is nervous doesn’t generally daydream very well and time certainly does not pass by.  I would assume that person would more likely fiddle with something and anguish over every second that scraped past.)

“What are you doing! You’re totally going to get wrinkles in that dress! It’s dry-clean only, you better pay for that!”

You shot up and looked at Poland who was standing in his doorway. He looked like he could kill a man. Of course, one of the only times you ever saw him truly mad it was over a dress.

“Sorry Poland. Uh, where’s Lithuania?” You looked behind Poland but saw no one.

“Oh! He’s right here!” Poland turned around and dragged Lithuania in by the arm. Poland threw Lithuania on the bed and pushed you on top of him. (All in one movement?  No reactions from the characters?  You know, I just realized that I have no idea what Poland’s room even looks like.)

“You two totally have fun now~!” Poland closed the door and walked away, leaving you and Lithuania only.

You put you hands on Lithuania’s chest and pushed yourself up a bit. “I-I’m so sorry Lithuania! Poland put this whole thing together. He just wanted me to tell you that I love you!”

Your hand flew over your mouth. Did you really just say that?  (Apparently.)

Tears welled up in your eyes and you tried to push yourself fully off of Lithuania. He stopped you by putting his hand on the small of your back. When you turned to ask him what he was doing, you were met with a bright red face. (Why would “I” start crying after blurting that out?  Sure I’d be embarrassed, but I think I’d be more hopeful to his answer.  Maybe numbness might be a better reaction until Liet responded.)

“D-do you really love me?” You nodded your head, afraid what would happen if you were to speak. (Separate into two paragraphs.  The way that this is written makes me think that “I” was talking.  Only the action of the speaker belongs in the same paragraph as when they spoke.)

Lost for words, all Lithuania could do was pull you into a shy kiss. You gladly kissed back, loving how soft and warm his lips were.

Lithuania pulled you closer. He built up enough courage to lick your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You gladly let him enter.  (That line “lick your bottom lip, asking for entrance” is in the majority of fanfictions out there.  Sometimes I get the feeling that all the fangirls are copying one another.)

As things started heating up, you began to unbutton Lithuania’s shirt, exposing his creamy skin. You pulled away from the kiss and ran your fingers over some scars on his chest. Seeing the pain in his eye just remembering what they were from, you decided to not point them out anymore.

You kissed Lithuania’s neck, leaving a trail of love bites were ever you went. He let out a little moan when you kissed his soft spot. You nipped at it a little, before working your way lower. (I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this paragraph before as well.)

You kissed his chest and ran your tongue gently over his abs. He let out a moan and you noticed the bulge forming in his pants. (This is familiar as well).

Standing up, you reached behind you and unzipped you dress. You let it fall to the floor, exposing your black bra and panties for Lithuania to see. You giggled, as a faint blushed appeared on his cheeks. (That was the most undramatic slipping off of a dress that I’ve ever read.  While I don’t condone writing smut for hoards of 13 year olds, you should at least try to make everything vivid in order to set a certain mood.  I’m getting no sense of whatever “mood” or “atmosphere” you’re going for.  The verbs and reactions need to be stronger.)

As you crawled back on top of Lithuania, you played with the button on his jeans. You looked in his eyes and saw they were now darkened with lust. Slowly, you unbuttoned and unzipped them and helped Lithuania out of his jeans. You smiled when you saw his yellow, green and red boxers.

“They look just like your flag!” You hooked your finger under the band and gave a slight tug, causing Lithuania to buck his hips nervously.

“No need to be scared Liet.” You pulled him into a sloppy kiss, this time you entered his mouth. (Comma splice.  I’ve noticed a few of those already, but I try not to be entirely too nitpicky about grammar unless the author asks specifically for a review.  This…I couldn’t resist bringing up.  Moving away from sentence level errors, I’m wondering just when or how did “I” transition from scared shitless to practically raping poor Liet?  I’m getting whiplash at how quickly “my” personality keeps changing!]

“Hey guys! It’s totally been quite! What’s going…on?” Poland barged into his room and saw his two best friends on his bed, in their underwear.  (I thought Poland knew this would happen?  I thought he set this whole thing up?  Why would he come barging in like that?)

You and Lithuania pulled away, a little string of saliva still keeping the two of your connected.

“P-Poland! Haven’t you heard of knocking?” Lithuania gave a blush, trying to hide his erect member.

“Well, it’s my room. I should totally be able to come in whenever I like. And what’s this? No ‘thanks’ for getting the two of you together?”

You let out a giggle. “Come here Poland.” (“I’m” very giggly, aren’t “I”…)

The male walked over to you and you pulled him into a kiss. He quickly grabbed you ass, causing you to gasp so he could slip his tongue into your mouth.

As Poland explored his new land, you reached into Lithuania’s boxers and grabbed his member. “(Name)!”  (WHOA WHOA WHOA.  Random threesome?  Did Liet ever agree to this?  Somehow I think he wouldn’t react favorably to this, unless “I” got him used to the idea first.  Why am “I” such a whore anyway?!)

The more Poland kissed you, the more you pleasured Lithuania. Pressure began to build up in his pelvis. Before he knew it, Lithuania came inside his boxers. Hearing how much pleasure you were giving Lithuania turned Poland on. You pulled you hand out of Lithuania’s boxers and rubbed the growing bulged in Poland’s pants. (Erm?  There are no words for this paragraph.)

Both men were more than ready to pleasure you. They couldn’t get you out of your undergarments fast enough. You helped Poland out of his clothes as Lithuania took off his boxers. You got on your hands and knees and felt Lithuania brush against your entrance.

Lithuania pushed his way into your folds, making you moan loudly. You motioned Poland you (?) come towards you. You glided your tongue over his member before taking him in your mouth. You found a comfortable length and began to bob your head. Poland’s fingers tangled themselves into your hair.

“Ah! (Name), you’re so tight!” Lithuania thrusted into you harder, causing you to moan on Poland’s shaft. Poland moaned and gave a slight thrust of the hips, making you take more of him in. (Whoa.  Since when was Liet inside me?)

Lithuania’s thrusts became harder and deeper quickly. Before you knew it, you felt your orgasm creeping up on you.

Lithuania began to hit your g-spot as Poland reached down and stroked your clit. This gave you a wave of pleasure, and also caused you to cum. You moaned, the vibrations making Poland cum as well. You swallowed and heard Lithuania groan at how much your walls tightened around his member. With a few more thrusts, he came, filling you with his seed. (These descriptions are the same in the majority of pieces like this.  Definitely too vague.  Are people actually turned on by this, because I’m not.  I’m just perturbed and a bit offended that I’ve been forced into this role.)

Lithuania fell back on the bed, gasping for breath. You were about to lay down next to Lithuania when you felt someone grab your chin. Poland made you look up at him. You noticed his member was still erect.

“I’m still not finished with you.” He pulled you into another kiss and flipped you over so he was on top. His member brushed your entrance and you let out a small moan.

Poland slammed into you, making you scream in pleasure. He set a hard, fast pace, making your second orgasm creep up on you quickly. You were on the edge when Poland bit down on your neck. You suddenly lost it all and came a second time. Poland groaned and gave a few more hard thrusts before releasing himself inside you.

After he pulled out, the two of you fell next to Lithuania. You pulled the men into a hug and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek.

“I love you guys.”

“Aš taip pat tave myliu” (1) Lithuania gave you a kiss on the cheek as well.

“Kocham ją bardziej” (2) Poland said to the man laying (lying) on the other side of you.

“Boys please, if you keep fighting, we will never be able to do that again.” Both men quickly shut their mouths and allowed you to sleep.

(1) "I love you too" in Lithuanian.
(2) “I love her more” in Polish.

(I wasn’t aware that I knew Lithuanian or Polish.  That being said, I have no idea if those phrases are correct or not.)

Erm, well then.  The writing on this wasn’t terrible, though I did feel as if I was in a vacuum for the majority of the piece.  There was no description of setting, and the writing itself seemed rushed and too vague.  The smut itself seemed copy-pasted from other pieces.

On top of that, I’m still wondering why such a piece was even written.  The author stated in her comments that it made her uncomfortable to write.

…I felt so dirty while writing this.

I think I’ve reached the amount of smut i can take in one week. No lemons for a while now guys, sorry. 

Why are you forcing yourself to write something like this when you obviously don’t like it?  Don’t do this for popularity among 13 year olds.  It’s not worth it. Develop your writing skills on pieces that you want to write.  Anything is better than something like this.

/deep breath.

Anyway, I really don’t know what to make of this either, anon.  I’m considering buying some brain-bleach so that I can continue on with my life like this never happened.  This is one of the problem areas of x readers in general.  “I” am always forced to act or react in ways that don’t suit my personality at all, and the results are normally quite sickening.  Then, you think about transposing that onto a 13-15 year old who might be reading this (fapping to this?!), and that’s just horrifyingly disgusting and wrong on way too many levels.

I’m almost happy to leave this to go study.  Next piece I might pick one of the “has potential” tags to look at.


  1. Anonymous submitted this to fucknoreaderinserts